We all spend quite a lot of time, prior to meeting our mate, thinking and talking about what we want in our perfect partner. We make lists and insist on certain characteristics, traits, and circumstances because we want someone who will love us and treat us right.
We seem to automatically see ourselves as good partners, but how many of us take the time to contemplate and list the things that make us so? How do we make sure we will live up to what that special someone we seek is searching for in another?
If you can make and keep the following 17 promises to your partner, you can rest assured that you are loving them well. Hopefully, they are willing to do the same for you. If so, you’re gonna be pretty damn happy together, and your chances for building a lasting love will be great.
The 17 Promises:
1. To commit to you and do my part to strengthen and protect our bond
I will choose you every day, and assure you of my love and my desire to be with you.
I will not threaten to end the relationship during fights or when things get rough in order to threaten you or manipulate you into conforming to my desires or ways.
2. To communicate my standards, needs, dreams, and desires
I will take responsibility for teaching you how to love me, support me, and comfort me.
I will not expect you to know what I need or want by making you guess or figure it out on your own.
3. To keep my word
I will follow through on my promises to you because I want you to know you can depend on me.
I will not not say one thing and then do another, violating our trust, which is the foundation of our relationship.
4. To be kind to you
I will speak to you with respect, keep an even temper, and seek to understand your side of things when we disagree or come upon a bump in the road.
I will not criticize you or put you down. I will not shout at you, judge you, or blame you for our problems or my pain.
5. To admit when I’m wrong
I will apologize when I realize I’ve mistreated your or hurt you unintentionally.
I will not allow my pride to get the better of me and insist on being right or “winning” an argument.
6. To learn your love languages and to love you accordingly
I will love you as you want and need to be loved.
I will not insist you accept love the way I prefer to show it.
7. To love and accept you as you are right now
I will encourage you to grow, change, and evolve the way you choose to, when you choose to, and how you choose to.
I will not demand you change in the ways I believe you should, because it is not up to me if, what, how, or when you change in any particular way. I can only expect you to grow.
8. To be honest and forthright about my feelings
I will exercise vulnerability and let you know when I am hurt or disappointed.
I will not behave passive-aggressively and pretend things are fine, and then find ways to punish you, for instance by ignoring your calls or delaying replies to your texts.
9. To compliment you
I will tell you all of the things I love and admire about you often.
I will not make negative comments about your looks, style, personality, interests, hobbies, choices or anything else about you.
10. To take an active role in planning fun and interesting things for us to do together
I will plan adventures, date nights, and other activities because I know this will keep us close.
I will not become complacent and allow us to get into a routine that offers no excitement or novelty.
11. To celebrate your wins
I will be the one to pop the champagne when you achieve something important to you and be happy for your successes.
I will not minimize your progress in any area of your life and treat any of it as insignificant.
12. To comfort you when you are in pain
I will hold you, listen to you, and be present for you when you need me.
I will not abandon you in a time of need or try to solve your problems without be asked for my input.
13. To stay curious
I will continue to want to learn more about you.
I will not assume I know all there is to know about you. Within you is an entire universe I can spend our entire lives exploring, and I will.
14. To defend you to haters
I will stand up for you when you’re being judged or misunderstood by others. I am always in your corner.
I will not stand by and allow others to threaten, attack, or disrespect you.
15. To open myself up to you completely
I will trust you with my heart and let you really see me.
I will not allow my fears and insecurities to get in the way of a deeply connected and intimate relationship.
16. To allow you to be imperfect
I will leave room for error and I will forgive you.
I will not hold you to impossible standards or expectations, or harbor resentments for past mistakes.
17. To leave you if I feel deep down it’s not right, because you deserve better
I will care enough about you to stay only if I truly love you.
I will not stay with you out of fear of being alone or because I feel guilty. I know you deserve true love and commitment, and, if I know I can't give you that, I will respect you enough to never stand in your way of it.
In other words, I won’t just tell you I love you, which I will every day; I will show you that I love you. And I will show it when things are good and when things aren’t so good. My love will remain constant, in both feeling and action. I promise you this."
Now go do love well.
Do you have anything you would add to this list? Please share in the comments!
Want my support in healing your relationship or in preparing for one? Let's talk about it.